So I look into the mirror and, since none of you know me, you would never believe what I see there. Standing on the other side of the glass, staring back at me is a thing that you can only just tell is human. The hair is the worst hair I have ever seen. I wonder how it's possible for hair to look like that. It's like it was just stuck on and just lays there, dead. And it suits the face less than a mankini would suit Terry Wogan. Eyes are generally a beautiful thing but these don't deserve to be called eyes at all. They're oddly shaped and dull in colour. The nose is too wide, the eyelashes barely existent, the eyebrows a fucked up shape, far too thick and practically a giant furry caterpillar above each eye. The mouth is badly shaped and can't be made to look good at all. The cheeks and chin are just plain fat. The body is oddly proportioned and all wrong. The arms, although slender are too long for the body but too short for a person, the height of the person is too tall to be a dwarf and too short to be a regular human, leaving her somewhere grossly in between. The stomach has more flab on it than Susan Boyle. The chest is almost microscopic. The legs are short and stumpy and wobble they're so fat.
But I can tell straightaway that the girl in the mirror is more than just her looks. She's also that girl that always says the wrong thing, that thinks she's so smart but clearly isn't, the girl who talks too loud with that ridiculously high pitched and irritating voice. She's the girl who tries so hard to stand out and be different from everyone else, even spending £140 on boots that no-one else wears but everyone loved only to find so many other people wearing them. This is a girl who fails at everything she does. She tries to comfort herself about her awful looks and awful voice by telling herself that she can always make up for it with her personality. But she can't, she's bitchy and judgemental with an awful temper. She's the worlds worst hypocrite and is infallibly rude to anyone who annoys her, and that takes ever so little. She's selfish and, when push comes to shove, will always put herself before others. She is all talk and never does what she says. She believes all the time that she's so wonderful but is proved wrong time and time again. She gets jealous of people who are fucked up - and what kind of selfish cow does that!? She says it's because she "complains all the time although she has nothing to complain about and they do" but that's bullshit. Everyone can see that she just wants the attention, she lives off the attention. And she slags off the other people who do because they do it in a way she doesn't like. All she wants is too be loved. But she's such a hateful creature that even she can't love herself. Everyone who encounters her is forced to loathe her.
She has one last line of defense. It doesn't matter who she is or what she's like, she can always hide behind her writing. After all, that should give her a purpose. And she's talented at that right? Well no. If you're reading this and/or have read any other posts on this blog you will see that she is an awful writer and could never use that as her life.
So what does that leave her? A lost and talentless, ugly nobody with no purpose, no reason to live and no-one to care? Is there anything for her in this world? Is there any point in her being here at all? My guess is that she has nothing to look forward to but the end.
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