Me

I got a message from a random person who had discovered my e-mail address through here. From what they saw on here they decided I'm a teenage girl who's a bit rude judging by my use of language in my description bit. So I thought that to avoid any confusion, I would explain some things about me.
1. I seem to have some very bad anger problems. Sometimes I get so angry I scare myself. I have, in the past, genuinely wanted to make someones life so miserable they commit suicide. That was the scariest moment of my life. I know I should get some sort of help but I have my reasons for not doing so. So my blog is, mostly a way to vent. This causes some strong language - and not just swearing. Compared to what's in my head though, this is all very mild. I don't know any words to describe or satisfy the rage that sometimes possesses me.
2. I don't have a clue who I am. I don't understand the mental, emotional and physical changes to me over the past - however long it's been. I don't understand other people. I don't understand the world. I don't understand anything that happens anymore. This confusion, if allowed to be noticed and therefore overwhelm me, leads to tears and/or anger. I prefer anger. Hence the apparently offensive comment about "[figuring] out what the fuck is going on".
3. I seem to have a lack of communication between my brain and my mouth. I can talk but I never say what I mean. I never manage to find the right words, I can't think fast enough and I can't make myself understood. And so, over the years, I have turned more and more to writing - mainly my diary and creative writing. And I've discovered that apart from my spelling, when I write words don't abandon me like they do when I talk, they work with me in a way that continues to amaze me. This is why in my blog I am a lot more honest and upfront than I am in real life, I can be more myself. Especially with the added benefit of doing this so that no-one I meet in real life will find me (I really hope)
4. I don't actually have anyone I can trust. Every time I begin to trust someone, I find out I can't trust them or they disappear from my life due to various circumstances. I keep going to trust people. Just with small details. Things that won't make a difference. And those little things slowly get bigger. Simply because I want to trust. And now I recognise that, I can cut myself off before I cause any major damage. But there isn't anyone in my life that I can talk to about anything. Which means that with my diary and my blog, I'm trusting paper/strangers. Because that's all I've got.
5. I have many contradicting personality traits. So whatever you think I am like, that is only one side to me. There is so much more than that. This is why I'm so confused about who I am. Even when I'm being completely and utterly honest, unless I wrote down every thought, you would never truly understand me. You still only get a fragment of my personality.
6. I'm 15 years old and have grown up in Harlow. You're lucky I'm as polite, well mannered, calm, kind and non-sluttish as I am.
7. I'm actually in quite a bad mood right now (thanks to the whole trust thing). So my responses to that shall be left unsaid in order to not prove their point.