Best Friends Boyfriend

There are a million ways to start my blog. Most of which would be a great way to prove my uniqueness and the way I am NOT like other teenage girls. But all that's going to have to go out the window. Because I need to set some thoughts straight, maybe get other peoples opinion and/or advice (if anyone ever reads this) and well - yeah.
Most guys I know are awful. I got asked out by one today who, from what I can gather, just wants sex and expects me to be some sort of whore (which I'm NOT). I know one that sits wanking in class. Two, when asked if a particular girl was pretty answered "she's got big boobs". My only ex recently had a plan to date 3 girls at once apparantly. And he thought he could get my best friend to dump her absolutely amazing boyfriend whom she loves to peices for him.
Talking of my best friend and her boyfriend brings me to my point. She's brilliant. Love her so much. She's funny and kind. Absolutley crazy. And utterly gorgeous. Loads of guys fancy her. And I'm VERY jealous.
Her boyfriend is sweet, caring, funny, kind, smart. He always argues with me - never serious arguements. And always wins. I'm quite good friends with him. Was from the start. But, things changed. And now it's difficult.
See, the school did a 4 day trip to Paris. I went. He went. She didn't. He acted differently. I don't quite know how. But he did. We argued non stop. I hated it. But I still liked him. As a really good friend. I guess thats when things started to change. But I didn't realise it.
The first obvious case of what I was thinking was at the top of the eiffel tower. I want shit scared. Hyperventilating. I knew it couldn't take my weight. I knew it was going to collapse. He was the only one that cared. The only one that even tried to comfort me. And he told me it'd be ok. He argued with me to distract me. And he has this thing where when he's comforting you (which he's great at), he'll put his face close to yours and he'll talk softly. He did that to me. And I just wanted him to hug me. A long, safe, comforting hug. Normal right? I also wanted him to kiss me. Not so normal.
I've refused to believe it meant anything. I was single and starting to get lonely. But we got back from Paris and I missed the arguements. Simply becasue I missed tlaking to him. I was jealous every time I saw the two together. Every time he spoke about her or she spoke about him. I tried to hide it.
When she wasn't there but me and him were, we would talk (I was trying to avoid argueing. I was getting pretty fed up of losing ;) ) loads. Constantly. We got on REALLY well. My friends started to suspect I fancied him. Only his girlfriend said to me that people said this. And only she didn't believe it. But if I wouldn't say it to myself, I wasn't going to say it to them. I lied, better than ever before. As for the first time, I began to wonder.
I'm always interested in a conversation if he's mentioned. I'm jealous every time I see him and his girlfriend together. Even though I'm happy that after so many total pricks, she's finally found someone who'll treat her right. Or another girl even mentions him or got to spend time with him.
I wrote a diary entry about the whole top of the eiffel tower thing. And everything stopped. I didn't think about him any more.
But today he was up the town with us. And I got jealous every time I saw how loved up him and his girlfriend were. I told myself it's just because I'm single and lonely and can't score a decent guy. I want someone LIKE him. Not him. And I just want to know I'm that loved. But when I see how well my other friend gets along with him. The confidence she has around him, which I've lost over the last few weeks - at least while the others are round. I told myself I just felt replaced.
I mean, I can't fancy him. He's going out with my BEST FRIEND. He's OFF LIMITS. And even if he weren't, he's TOTALLY out of my league. So therefore, he can only be a friend.
But I can't help but worry. I can't shut the exaggerated thoughts about my feelings for him up. I'm confused about it all.
Thankyou to anyone who managed to read through all this shit. I'm sorry this first blog was about something stupid and boring. I'll try better next time.