12 Year Old Sluts

At first I hated these girls for their immorality and lack of brain etc etc. But then I began to think about why they would do it and I have 2 theories.
1. This theory blames it on naivety. At 12 years old, most girls know in theory that they should never let a guy force them into anything and if he's worth it he won't push you. I don't know these girls personally but I know my own experiences. I knew those things too. But at 15, my biggest mistake was not realising that persuading you into things is basically the same as forcing you. I didn't know the difference between what I thought I wanted (what he wanted) and what I was ready for. How is any 12 year old meant to know? Experience is often what makes you really understand that you don't have to do anything you don't want to and how to know that you don't want it and how to say no. Some people are lucky and understand without experience, some like me understand after one guy, some take a while to learn and others never learn at all. Every guy I've had anything to do with has taught me something about my own worth and what I will and will not accept from a guy. After all, if I don't respect me, why would they? These girls are too young to have learnt that yet and some guys act as if it's their right to get sex etc. I remember that the popular girls back in year 9 thought it such a big deal to have a boyfriend in year 11. And I'm sure some girls will do anything because they're so flattered by the attention from an older guy or because they're so desperate to have something that makes them superior to other girls.
2. This theory blames an immoral and promiscuous celebrity culture that is idolised. My examples:

• Tulisa from N-Dubz made a sex video with her boyfriend. He published it. She took him to court. She won. Her advice to other girls was not to let it bother you too much. No mention of the fact that once something is on the internet it can't be taken back. No mention of the fact that once you've shared something with one person you have no control over what they do with it. No mention of the fact that you can say no.
• After the incident with Chris Brown, you would think that Rihanna would be a bit wiser. But she releases songs like S&M and wears nowhere near enough clothing. She does this for attention. Which gives out the message that attention is more important than self respect. And a lot of sluts are sluts for attention. I'll admit it, I try to bury it  but I'm a bit of an attention-whore too (as in someone who is desperate for attention rather than someone who is a whore to get attention). There are better ways to do it. And I only want the right kind of attention which is what Rihanna should be encouraging girls to try and get e.g. attention for getting good grades, for being a good friend etc.
• "I wanna see your peacock, cock, cock ... Come on baby let me see/Whatchu hiding underneath ... Don't be a shy kinda guy ... Skip the talk ... I want the jaw droppin', eye poppin', head turnin', body shockin'" - Katy Perry, Peacock. Lyrics courtesy of azlyrics. This song encourages girls to be slutty. And not only that, it looks down on guys who wait for sex because actually, they want something more. And isn't that the kind of guy we all want? Someone who cares about us, respects us and wants us for who we are rather than our bodies?
• How many of you know the P!nk song Stupid Girls? Hopefully every single reader. If not, go listen to it. Now. Not enough people do know it though. It's "old" and not mainstream enough. But here are some of the lyrics: "Maybe if I act like that, that guy will call me back/Porno paparazzi girl ... stupid girl ... What happened to the dreams of a girl president?/She's dancing in the video next to 50 Cent ... The whole world believes it and I'm going crazy ... Outcasts and girls with ambition/That's what I wanna see ... Pretty will you fuck me girl ... Stupid girl!" (Lyrics from the same place). This isn't her only song that could be quoted here - Respect would also work. More girls need to hear things like this. But they don't and they don't get the message in it.

If asked, most 12 year old sluts, or 16 year old ones etc, wouldn't realise that through their role models, they're picking up these kind of messages. But they are because you pick up on a lot more than you realise and all of it affects you, your behaviour and your mental state.

This is all speculation and I would love one day to look at both of these theories in more detail, finding out more information and write more about them. But I don't have the resources or time to do that. Which is a shame really. Maybe if we figure out the cause of such behaviours, we can protect girls from things that encourage such self destructive behaviour,

I'd also love to hear you opinion on these and any theories of your own :)

presents and friends

I have just got back from a week in Majorca. To me, one of the best bits of going on holiday is coming back with presents for people. I love buying pressents and I love giving them. I may not be very good at it but I try. So I bought presents for Ganika, Amisha, Scarlett and Freya. And now I want to give them their presents. I won't see them in September. If all goes to plan, I will never be at school with them again. Which means that at some point this summer we will have to meet. I have tried to organise meeting them earlier in the summer but no-one could manage the same days. Which is exactly what happened when I tried to organise something for my birthday. This time I've mentioned something, people vaguely responded. So, a while later (as in, the next day and the day before I wanted to meet them) I sent a Whatsapp message to Amisha, Scarlett and Freya saying I "really need to sort out giving people pressents. What days can [they] do ths week? And do [any of them] know how I can get in contact with Ganika?" Because as far as I know, she hasn't even read the text I sent her asking about it or the one I sent before the holiday, just to talk. She doesn't have Whatsapp either so I can't use that. I don't know her home number etc etc. Freya hasn't been online since before I sent the message and Amisha has been gone even longer than that. Scarlett however came online after I sent that message to join in the earlier group conversation about chess. She did not answer me and she must've seen the message I sent.
This really angers me. I spent time and money and effort into finding that pressent. I didn't have to do it. I did it because they're good friends (most of the time) and this is one of my ways of showing some sort of affection because I'm no good at it. I have worried about whether or not they'll like what I've bought them. One of them is breakable and I have been very careful to make sure that was protected on the flight home. I haggled for one of them, something I'm not good at and don't enjoy. Instead of going to Inca market, where I bought most of them, I could have gone to any number of more interesting places. Almost every coach trip was on that day or after we went home. The least they could do is be helpful to me when I'm trying to organise a meeting so that I can give them the goddamn things.
My boyfriend got back from Italy the same day I came home. I already feel like he's mad at me. Or I've managed to do something worng. Or he's not interested in me anymore. I'm just picking up on something negative. In Majorca, we called dad one day as asked. We gave him no warning so when he texted back to say he's on the phone to his new girlfriend, I wasn't too mad. Mum said we'd call back in an hour. So we did. To get another text saying he was still on the phone to her and could we call tomorrow. She has a child of her own. She would have understood if he had said he had to go because I was calling from Spain and he would call her back. But she's obviously more important than his daughter.
So if you add those two in, I'm feeling a bit unwanted and sick of it. I'm ready to burn those pressents if people aren't helpful!
P.S. In the time it took me to write this, Freya reaponded to the group conversation but not me. Scarlett answered saying she has Ganikas mobile number but her mum might have the phone, which I already know, ignoring the earlier part of the message and Amisha doesn't know how to talk to Ganika because she never answers and she doesn't know what days she can do this week. Am I wrong for finding this unbelievably infuriating and hurtful??

Prom

So, I had my prom almost a week ago. The gothic freak on the left is me. Next to me is Scarlett. Freya is the girl in the middle. I love her dress (but not as much as my own). Second from right is Amisha who was very pleased with her last minute, unbelievably expensive dress. The birthday girl too! And on the very right is Ganika. Usually I don't consider Freya as one of my best friends but I suppose she is one really. So I love everyone in this photo.
It was a great night. My aunt did my hair and makeup, which this particular photo doesn't show to well. I loved what she did, although I could have done with a bit less blusher. I got to the school when there were about 3 people there. When all my supposed friends turned up (not the ones in this photo, who are my real friends), they were all hanging round with Amelie. The stupid cow turned up to take photos and was wearing a white dress which she was pleased about when it began to pour down with rain. Stupid whore. It was so hard not to start crying when I saw her. She has to ruin everything.
Anyway, we got in the limo, which was colourful and random. It was so cool. I don't remember much about the journey - it was loud and kind of uneventful. But I do remember the rain looking like a waterfall on the window and people talking about Marzenas mum being hot. So of course I had to tell them my mum is hotter. Because she is. When I do a characterisation post on her, I will include a photo so you can judge for yourself.
We eventually got there. The place itself was quite pretty. I was insulted by a girl who looked like she was indulging in Gypsy traditions. But of course it wasn't an obvious insult. It was one that was disguised as a compliment. I hate the way girls use that. Lots of other people who know me because I've said and done stupid things that have been twisted and spread around wanted pictures, I can only assume because they wanted a picture with the "freak". Which angered me.
Amisha was embarrassed when her cake was brought out. Although she loved the earrings I get her. We bullied her into making a speech which she hated us for.
The music was of course the sort of music I can't stand. But it's popular. Personally, I would have played some Lost Prophets. At the least. But it was loud. And in the end, even I was dancing. But way before that Noah started. He is an awful, awful dancer and a few people were laughing at him. But to Hell with them. He was having a great time. He didn't care what other people thought. And enjoying yourself is what prom is about. Oh, and me and Scarlett managed to get a good bitch about Nicki Minaj. Goddess I despise that excuse for a woman! (Tad harsh?) The dancing was great. Although in my stiletto boots it was agonising. I wanted to take them off but I knew that the time and energy spent getting them off would be wasted. So I just tried to ignore it.
There were this couple, I don't know either of them too well. But I saw them together at one point and my heart melted because he gave her The Look. You know that one where from that one look, you know he is completely and utterly in love with her? I've seen it twice before - on a character in a film and on an amine. I guess that means there's hope for us all.
I missed Jaromir through a lot of it and even took some pictures to deliberately annoy him - like the one of me and his best friend. Which worked better than expected because said best friend put his arm round me. But I'm not going to use it against Jaromir. I changed my mind.
Anyway, point is - prom was great. I'm sure I've missed out a great deal of important events but never mind. So, what stories have you got from your prom/the proms of people you know?

Summer

I vaguely remember there being a song called "Summertime Blues" but that's all I remember about it. I have no idea what in that particular case is meant by summertime blues but the phrase fits what I have suffered from for years. Summer to me is about fun. It's about doing things and spending time with your friends. But that's not the summer I have.
Instead I sit in my room and think of what everyone else is doing. The fun that they're having. Because I can never make plans with my friends or do the tings I want to do. So I sleep all morning by which point there isn't much I can do because I don't have enough time to do things before I have to be back home. I spend day after day like that and I know that each day is wasted. And slowly that trapped feeling grows bigger and scarier. And I start to realise I'm wasting my life. All of it I've never done anything special and I never will because I'm too lazy.
I feel like this every summer. And as every summer approaches, I try to think 2this year, it'll be different. This year I'll do something". But despite my best intentions, it never works. And I waste another summer and because I've wasted it I start to get rather depressed and don't want to do anything which leads to me wasting more time where I could be doing something.
Does anyone else do this??
 I wanted to add something positive about summer and this was one of the pictures Google gave me. It was also the least bright of the pictures because as you can see, bright colours and cheerful things are not my style. Well, fingers crossed - one day I might find summer as happy a time as everyone else seems to.