Random Babbling

I suppose that it would come as no shock to you that I am, once again, confused. There's this guy called Tyler. I was going to tell you all about him before but then things went wrong. I decided I wouldn't use a name for him because he wasn't part of my life anymore and so I would never mention him again. He's the "friend" I talk about in Judging. He's the reason I wrote Why I Hate Guys. He's the guy I write about in Amelie and the reason I fought with Amelie in Open Your Eyes Bitch. As hard as I tried to put him out of my mind, I couldn't do it. Especially when I started to think of all the good things about him instead of the bad.
But I did SO well. Even though I mentioned him fairly recently, he meant no more to me than Toby. I barely thought of him. He wasn't in my daydreams. I didn't fall asleep with him still in my mind. This was a huge, huge improvement.
And then it was ruined. Eva came into school today and told me a conversation she'd had with Tyler. Apparently, he did still want me. Apparently he just lost my number. And I don't know what to think. Part of me is begging this to be true. That part of me isn't over him, it wants to be loved again. That's the part of me that remembers all the good things. Another part of me thinks it doesn't matter because there's no way it's true. So I should ignore any feelings and get on with my life. Then a third part of me doesn't care if it's true. That parts just trying to defend me, to stop me getting hurt. It knows that if it is true, I'll fall for him again and it isn't worth it. That part of me can imagine the pain I'll have to go through.
The part of me that wants him back is the part that is the most determined to get it's own way. Even though the part that doubts the truth of the situation is the part that's probably right and which I should listen to, at least for now. And the third part is equally as right and the part I have to keep no matter what happens.
I wish I just knew what's going on. I wish I could make my mind up about my own feelings let alone what's going on. And now all the progress I'd made is totally reversed.